Reflections on a Wedding

Yeah, the food was good, the stage was nice, and the couple’s outfits were spiffy; MashaAllah. With those formalities out of the way, I shall now attempt to reconcile my years of conventional wedding experiences, my recent spiritual awakening on the sacred institution of marriage, and my lack of experience (since I am still currently without a ring on my finger) to inshaAllah leave you with something meaningful for your reading pleasure (or displeasure).

I’ve been to plenty of weddings before, they used to be real fun when I was a kid primarily because it was a chance to see all of my friends and play in a hotel. For little Faizan, going up and down the elevator, knocking on random doors, and trying to take the little shampoo bottles from housekeeping carts was my idea of an amazing wedding. When I got a little older, the ideals of a wedding changed – it was all about the biryani and the sherwaani. It was my chance to attempt to look good (as feeble an attempt they were), to eat some really good food, and at the risk of ruining my reputation maybe to scope the scene if you know what I mean (yeah I know you did too). Now that Alhamdulillah I’ve gotten older (although not yet old) the shampoo bottles have become meaningless, the biryani tastes the same, and the scene… well it was never really all that anyways.

Weddings have always been the pinnacle of the parents’ career, and the beginning of the newlyweds’ career. It has been throughout history a cycle of rearing & educating of one generation after another. The wedding marks that passing of the torch of responsibility on to the younger generation. It is as much of a celebration of the conclusion of their duties of raising a child, as it is a celebration of the commencement of your duties of raising a child. All of their years of struggle are on this day highlighted and appreciated by not just them, and their children, but the entire community.

So at this past weekend’s wedding of two people whom I know and hold dear, I searched hard to find some meaning. I searched all throughout the wedding, in the buffet, on the stage, and even in the little pouches of candy. I didn’t find it anywhere, although I came pretty close with the Gulab Jamun. So without too much effort I gave up, concluding that there’s really nothing in these weddings for me.

The moment I stopped aimlessly directing my search , the things I was looking for slowly began to come to me. One by one I began to understand what had previously never breached that stubborn layer of ignorance around my brain. For years I had been told this but was never able to comprehend, much less get a taste of it. I guess you could say it was a “duh” moment for me, when the obvious – finally became obvious.

A marriage is much more than the fusion of two people or two families, but it is how the entire society is constructed and preserved. A family is the perfect model for micromanagement, and a marriage helps to maintain the broader vision and mission needed to understand the big picture. Allah says in Surah Hujurat, Ayah 13: “O mankind! We have created you from a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that you may know one another.” A marriage reminds us that we do not just exist in small units but are interconnected with common threads of kinship and interests.

A marriage constructs and preserves society because it provides clear avenues and paths in life. If marriage had not been ordained then our society would be in chaos. Just think about it, we wouldn’t know what to do with ourselves. It provides goals for our life, and the means to attaining what we need: love, support, compassion, mercy, care, shelter, and the fulfillment of our desires.

To fuse two people together takes much energy. It takes energy in not just making two people compatible with each other and having them live together for the rest of their lives, but in creating from this marriage the various roles and responsibilities that arise. It takes much effort for one to become a husband or a wife, not just on paper, but to be able to exhibit mercy and compassion is not as easy as it may seem. It takes much effort for one to become a son or daughter to another set of parents, not just by name, but to fulfill their rights upon you the same way you do for your own. It takes much effort to become a parent, not just having a child, but to foster and nurture that child until they become righteous adults. It takes much effort to be a shepherd, as Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him) said, “Each one of your is shepherd. And each one of you will be asked about your flock. A ruler also is a shepherd and he will be asked about his flock. And every is a shepherd to his family. And a woman is the custodian of her husband’s house and his children. Thus each one of you is shepherd, and each one will be asked about his flock.”

Another amazing thing about marriage and why it was ordained is because it preserves a person’s religion. Our beloved Rasoolullah (salAllahu alayhiwassalaam) said: “The whole world is a provision and the best object of benefit of the world is the pious woman.” What an amazing thing, that the entire world and everything in it is a rizq from Allah SWT and the greatest rizq to get is a pious woman, wether it be your mother, your wife, etc. Abu Bakr (RA) once asked Rasoolullah (peace be upon him) what was the best thing to be treasured and he replied: “The tongue in rememberance of Allah, the heart filled with thanks to Allah, and a pious wife who helps in virtous deeds.”

In Surah Furqan (Surah 25) Allah SWT speaks of the people who will be averted from Hell and their qualities. It is an amazing part of the Surah near the end (last 15 verses or so) that you shold definitely read when you have a chance. Allah says about them, “And those who say:” Our Lord! Bestow on us from our wives and our offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes, and make us leaders for the Muttaqoon (pious).” (25:74) Aameen!

The realities of our condition as humans beings and Muslims are becoming clear to me and now through this recent wedding so is the importance of marriage and what it does for a person (spiritually, emotionally, etc), a family, and society and so on. So Alhamdulillah a wedding is a reminder to all of this goodness and more, a reminder to those who are currently single and those who are already married. I shall conclude for now, perhaps i’ll resume with more details when I have the experience of my own inshaAllah.

Reflections on Pakistan and India’s Yaum-e-Azadi

There is a lot to learn from the history of Pakistan and India’s independence. It has many important lessons we can take into consideration in our present day situation here in the United States.Muslims had ruled the greater part of India from the 7th Century all the way up to the fall of the Mogul Empire in the 19th Century. During the British rule of India, Muslims lost a great deal of power and influence in the subcontinent. The legendary esteem and might of the Muslim empires in India was quickly demolished.

Muslims were at a critical point in the early 20th Century in India. Most Muslim leaders felt that Islam faced the threat of extinction in India due to the strengthening of Hindu nationalist groups. It was during this time when Hindi started to become the official language of India. Hindu nationalism flourished calling their struggle ‘a to return Hindu ideals and customs in India after hundreds of years of Muslim oppression.’

What put the Muslims in such a weakened state was not only their lack of unity or at least solidarity but how they reacted to pressure from the British and Hindu nationalist during the 100 years prior to Independence. Instead of struggling to maintain or improve their condition, most Muslims submitted to the fear of being socially ostracized. They gave up excelling in education, business, and politics because this might yield retribution. When the time came to decide the fate of Muslims in India, they had no leverage. This is why Muhammad Ali Jinnah, Allama Iqbal, and the others saw a separate Muslim state as the only solution for Muslims to save them from extinction (at least in India).

Had Muslims continued to be successful in all areas, religious, economic, political, and social; and if they had maintained their influence in India who knows maybe India today could have been one of the largest Islamic countries.

In the United States we have a similar situation brought on by different circumstances. Muslims are at a pivotal point right now. With the majority of the country disliking Muslims, and in case you haven’t noticed there is some hostility here towards us. In fact there have been many calls to kick out Muslims from the US. Never would you here people saying to kick out Catholics, because of all the contributions they have made to society. There are so many Catholic hospitals all over the country that at least 20% of the population goes to one at least once in their life. If we haven’t contributed anything to society than we are of no value here. Now, I don’t mean to make it sound as if we need to please people. However, if we are expecting to be accepted and liked here, lets face it most of us are, then we should learn from the mistake of the Muslims in India. We should strive for excellence in every way. I’m not advocating assimilation, but active participation in society; leaving what is forbidden but enjoining fully in what is good.

Now going back to the problems the Muslims had prior to independence; the biggest thing that held them back was the disunity. Unity is a powerful concept that cannot work overnight. Even during the time of the Prophet SAW unity among the Muslims took time. From my observation before there can be unity there must be solidarity. Before we can move as one, we must all be walking in the same direction. Once we realize and accept that we have common goals, responsibilities, and purpose then we are headed in the same direction. When we can start to solidify on these ideas of commonality, then we can more easily forgo our rights and our desires for the sake of the group. Unity almost seems like an abstract concept that is almost utopian. I think that comes from our misunderstanding of what unity is. It’s not so much being the same people entirely or even achieving synthesis in a group, but just being able to work together for a common cause. And even unity doesn’t mean freedom from problems, just the ability to solve them together.

Virginia’s Allen refers to Indian student as a monkey

Virginia Senator George Allen, a potential 2008 Republican Presidential candidate, called out an Indian student at one of his campaign rallies on the Kentucky border of Virginia. Allen reffered to the student as “Macaca,” which according to Webster’s means “a genus of Old World monkeys including the rhesus monkey (M. mulatta) and other macaques.” He also said, “Welcome to America and the real world of Virginia”

It’s pretty sad if you ask me, just goes to show Allen’s arrogance. Being a Virginian, I really hope this sets his campaign back. By the way his opponent is Jim Webb.

Muslims under stress?

So it seems stress is no longer reserved for corporate drones or single-moms, at least thats what a new report in The Journal of Muslim Mental Health tells us. Yea, that’s what I said too, now they have a journal to publish any scientific evidence that we are crazy. Apprently 9/11 shook the imbalance of stress in America, allowing more people, including the Muslims, to enjoy this fundamental part of Americal life. The reason? Well, it seems to stem from the little known fact that most Americans hate or at least fear us. To be honest, I just can’t grasp how my shaved head and fist-long beard would intimidate somebody. Jerry curls and a fu man shu, now that’s scary combination.

Muslims really seem to be afraid of discrimination whether it’s at work, school, or Gap. They have good reason, a recent poll stated that more than 31% of Americans felt prejudice against Muslims (the same amount said we should carry ID cards) and 22% said they wouldn’t want Muslim neighbors. I bet you anything they interviewed my neighbors for that poll, who ironically are Muslim too.

So now imagine this scenario: you walk into the Gap, looking for a pair of faded jeans, and the 3 guys at the counter stare at you funny. That means that at least one of them hates you because your Muslim, the other two are gay so just try not to give any mixed signals. Either way your destined for bad service. The way I see it, it’s just our turn to be the victims of American society’s indiscriminatory hate. It happened to the Blacks in the South until recently, it happened to Chinese on the West coast, and to Jews in the Northeast. It was only a matter of time.

Now all joking aside anxiety is really taking a toll on us American Muslims. The USA Today reported on this recent study saying, “Muslims, who made up 70% of the study’s participants, had poorer mental health than Christians.” Can you believe it? And an even more shocking conclusion, “[...] Arab-Americans, they had much worse mental health than Americans overall.” Another scare tactic, watch out for the mentally-imbalanced American Muslim; just when we thought we were in the clear.

I think the remedy for this problem is fairly simple. We need to take it easy on our self. We have it hard as it is, just trying maintain as a Muslim is difficult. If despite being in a environment that isn’t exactly Shari’ah Compliant, we are still able to hold on to our deen, then that is something to be thankful of. The world’s going to be full of “playa-hataz.” As humans we tend to hate what we can’t understand. As long as there is this ignorance amongst the general public, discrimination is going to exist. If we think we have it bad, just remember how bad the Prophet (peace be upon him) had it when he went to Ta’if.

There is a comforting fact however, and that is that more and more Americans are embracing Islam, despite what may be said about the pre-exisiting Muslims here. More and more Americans are realizing that Islam is not what they see on CNN but something that can bring peace not only to hearts, but societies as well. If our goal in this country is for da’wah, then we should realize that we are still in good shape and not let anything phase us. If we’re just here to benefit from the value of the American dollar, then don’t feel bad if they don’t hire you because your name is Mohammad. So before you start poppin Prozac, just remember our purpose here; and if that doesn’t help just remind yourself of the struggles the Prophet (peace be upon him) went through to spread Islam.

By the way, I’m going to bill you for this counseling session.

Allah reminds us to remember Him

8:2 For, Believers are those who, when Allah is mentioned, feel a
tremor in their hearts, and when they hear His signs rehearsed, find
their faith strengthened, and put (all) their trust in their Lord;

17:44 The seven heavens and the earth, and all beings therein, declare
His glory: there is not a thing but celebrates His praise; And yet ye
understand not how they declare His glory! Verily He is Oft-Forbear,
Most Forgiving

41. O ye who believe! Celebrate the praises of Allah, and do this often;
42. And glorify Him morning and evening.
43. He it is Who sends blessings on you, as do His angels, that He may
bring you out from the depths of Darkness into Light: and He is Full
of Mercy to the Believers.
44. Their salutation on the Day they meet Him will be “Peace!”; and He
has prepared for them a generous Reward.

Upon Reaching the Month of Rajab

When the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wasalam) sighted the moon of Rajab (two months before Ramadan) he used to pray to Allah in the following words:

اَللّهُمَّ بَارِكْ لَنَا فِى رَجَبَ وَ شَعْبَانَ وَ بَلِّغْنَا رَمَضَان

Allahumma barik lana fi Rajab wa Sha’ban wa ballighna Ramadan

O Allah! Make the months of Rajab and Sha’ban blessed for us, and let us reach the month of Ramadan (i.e. prolong our life up to Ramadan, so that we may benefit from its merits and blessings)
[Narrated by at-Tabarani and Ahmad]

inna mal ‘amaalu bin niyyah

Have you ever been doing something – anything – in front of people that might be praise-worthy, and then stop out of fear of showing off. For example, you are with your friends and you are trying to give naseeha or making salaat and then suddenly are plagued with the notion of “am i doing this to impress people?” Minor shirk comes in the form of showing off (Riyaa), when an act of worship or good deed is for somebody else other than Allah. The scary part is that it’s not always easy to tell when your intention secretly changes, and if it even did or not. Certainly, this could be one of shaytan’s methods of deception in preventing a believer from doing a good deed. We all know the first of Imam Nawawi’s 40 Hadith. The Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) said: “Actions are (judged) by motives (niyyah), so each man will have what he intended…” Allahu Alim. May Allah purify our intentions.

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It’s at that point when a man decides to take a positive step that he is most vulnerable, but little does he know. Any move, whether its to cry a single tear or sacrifice what one holds most dear, if done with the wrong intention, becomes a nuise around his neck…

… and to think, all somebody would have to do is kick that chair of pride i stand on from underneath me

Journey of the Soul

It was narrated that al-Bara’ (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: We went out with the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) for the funeral of a man from among the Ansaar. We came to the grave and when (the deceased) was placed in the lahd, the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) sat down and we sat around him, as if there were birds on our heads (i.e., quiet and still). In his hand he had a stick with which he was scratching the ground. Then he raised his head and said, “Seek refuge with Allaah from the torment of the grave”, two or three times. Then he said, “When the believing slave is about to depart this world and enter the Hereafter, there come down to him from heaven angels with white faces like the sun, and they sit around him as far as the eye can see. They bring with them shrouds from Paradise and perfumes from Paradise. Then the Angel of Death comes and sits by his head, and he says, ‘O good soul, come forth to forgiveness from Allaah and His pleasure.’ Then it comes out easily like a drop of water from the the mouth of a waterskin. When he seizes it, they do not leave it in his hand for an instant before they take it and put it in that shroud with that perfume, and there comes from it a fragrance like the finest musk on the face of the earth. Then they ascend and they do not pass by any group of angels but they say, ‘Who is this good soul?’ and they say, ‘It is So and so the son of So and so, calling him by the best names by which he was known in this world, until they reach the lowest heaven. They ask for it to be opened to them and it is opened, and (the soul) is welcomed and accompanied to the next heaven by those who are closest to Allaah, until they reach the seventh heaven. Then Allaah says: ‘Record the book of My slave in ‘Illiyoon in the seventh heaven, and return him to the earth, for from it I created them, to it I will return them and from it I will bring them forth once again.’ So his soul is returned to his body and there come to him two angels who make him sit up and they say to him, ‘Who is your Lord?’ He says, ‘Allaah.’ They say, ‘What is your religion?’ He says, ‘My religion is Islam.’ They say, ‘Who is this man who was sent among you?’ He says, ‘He is the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him).’ They say, ‘What did you do?’ He says, ‘I read the Book of Allaah and I believed in it.’ Then a voice calls out from heaven, ‘My slave has spoken the truth, so prepare for him a bed from Paradise and clothe him from Paradise, and open for him a gate to Paradise.’ Then there comes to him some of its fragrance, and his grave is made wide, as far as he can see. Then there comes to him a man with a handsome face and handsome clothes, and a good fragrance, who says, ‘Receive the glad tidings that will bring you joy this day.’ He says, ‘Who are you? Your face is a face which brings glad tidings.’ He says, ‘I am your righteous deeds.’ He says, ‘O Lord, hasten the Hour so that I may return to my family and my wealth.’

Drowning in Minor Details

“O you who believe, enter into Islam wholeheartedly.” [Al-Baqara: 208]

The beauty with Islam is that everything is complete. Everything you will need is already given to you and it all makes sense. Any misconceptions, misunderstandings, and confusion is brought upon by our own shortcomings. We tend to overcomplicate things and forget the essence of what really matters. There is no doubt that when it comes to religious matters, nothing can be completely ignored. Not even the smallest detail should be excluded from the whole of Islam. However, Islam is not just mere belief; it’s an entire way of life. Encompassing things from worship, behavior, business transactions, and even down to the proper way to relieve ones self.

It took 23 years for the Message of Allah to be fully revealed to Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and to be conveyed to the people by Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him). The time-span was completely up to Allah and His Wisdom, but that amount of time was needed by men to be able to fully know and comprehend this beautiful way of life. When you analyze the Qur’an and the chapters and verses you find that the early surahs (during the Makkan period) generally focused on the topics of Tauheed (Islamic Monotheism), the Day of Judgment, and righteous conduct. These were simple yet very important matters that were needed to be set as a foundation of what was to come next. The primary role of the Messenger (peace be upon him) at this point was to be an announcer and a warner. The later revelations (during the Madinan period) also talked about the earlier stated issues but also introduced new issues that were pertinent as the Ummah was expanding and so on.

The point being that in everything there are major and minor details. The major details would be such that neglecting them would take us out of Islam, such as our prayer. The minor details would be ones that we are not punished for if we do not do them, such as fasting extra days of the year. Nothing can be ignored, without the major details you have nothing, and the minor details only support the major. However, everything must be taken in strides and depending on ones own abilities, distinctions must be made on how to approach the major and minor. It is not rational to come to the masjid every night for Taraweeh during Ramadan, and neglect the five daily fard prayers. Today many muslims drown themselves and others in what can be called the minor details and lose sight of the major issues such as Tauheed, Charachter, and Salah. We spend years of time and reasearch and dialougue on topics so far our of reach and so irrelevant that could have been better spent on an issue such as perfecting or character. Disunity, ignorance, and the complete lack of sincerity in the Ummah is what has resulted from the excessive overemphasising these minor details.

To draw an analogy, the point I’m trying to make holds evident in the human body as well. The heart, respiratory system, brain, etc. are vital to our existence; but if we lose a toe or a finger we can still live and be healthy.

“say: Verily my prayer, my sacrifice, my life, and my death are for Allah, the Lord of All the Worlds.” [surah al-An'aam: 162]

We must never stop the struggle to improve ourself. Trying to do too much at one time, especially if one isn’t prepared for it will just lead to an “iman burn out” and can leave you at a worst position from where you started. This is what I have learned from my own personal experience. When you take it with ease and patience and work to perfect a smaller number of things at a time, you will find that it is much easier to do and it becomes more solidified, InshaAllah. We should fear Allah the best we can in our striving to reach the highest imaan. Punishment comes only after knowing the Truth. There is no punishment before knowledge, and after knowledge there is no excuse; and Knowledge is obligatory. Allah knows best. May Allah increase us in our imaan and knowledge and save us from ignorance and evil. Ameen

To Whom Does Mercy Belong

A man was on a journey, walking through the scorching desert. For miles he treks as the sun beats down upon him and the hot sand leaves blisters on his feet. The only water in the area was his sweat and tears. Along the way he encounters scorpions and snakes not allowing him to stop for respite. He presses on, continuing his journey though the merciless desert. It was high noon and the sun was relentless when he reaches a valley in the middle of which he sees a house next to two hills. He wonders to himself, “who could possibly live here? in the middle of this God-forsaken desert!” As he approached the simple square house built from bricks of mud, he notices there is a well next to it. Gathering up the last bit of energy he runs toward the well. He eagerly lowers the pail and brings it back up full of cool water. He sits against the wall in the shadow of the house to drink. The water returns life into his frail body and quickly lifts his spirits. He drinks his full and then begins to wash himself with the water, cleaning his face and body of dirt and impurities. After he finished he thought to himself, “I should thank the owner of this well for it has saved my life when surely I thought I was doomed.” He approaches the house but quickly notices that there are no doors to enter. He calls from the outside to whomever maybe inside. He receives no reply. “How am I to thank the owner of this well? He must be around here somewhere.” As he was about to leave he notices an inscription on the wall of the house:

“Allah! None has the right to be worshipped but He, The Ever Living, the One Who sustains and protects all that exists, Neither slumber overtakes Him nor sleep. To Him belongs whatever is in the heavens and whatever is on the earth. Who is he that can intercede with Him except with His permission? He knows what happens to them (His creatures) in this world, and what will happen to them in the Hereafter. And they will never encompass anything of His Knowledge except that which He wills. His Chair extends over the heavens and the earth, and He feels no fatigue in guarding and preserving them. And He is The Most High, The Most Great.” (Holy Quran 2:255)